| Eighties music very ditsy discovery |
| Thursday, September 29, 2005 |
The Dictionary.com Word of the Day today is 'adamant' and I was just looking at it when something dawned on me.
Yes I made it all the way through the eighties (wearing fluorescent clothing and with very big, very stiff hair with a wall of fringe), through the nineties and five years into the 21st century before I realised the significance of the moniker of Eighties Ant Music songman - ADAM ANT.Labels: ditsy event of the day |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 3:25 PM |
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| The 30-something woman's guide to pluckology |
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I have a degree in pluckology.
This is a combination of experience - having to pluck more, in more places, as your body gets older and hairier, and commitment - the quest to be completely hair-free.
It also works in well with faffology - finding things to do other than what you SHOULD be doing.
Cleo Twyford, Pluckologist and Faffologist, PLKST FAFF |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 11:52 AM |
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| Your bottom should not have visible cleavage |
| Tuesday, September 27, 2005 |
| Hipster pants work on all of about 0.02% of the population and close to no one over the age of 30. There are some cruel, cruel fashion designers in the world and they live in some fairy cloud land where only skinny models with no hips live – well either that or they design with Paris Hilton as sole inspiration. Well I guess she does have a large clothes budget ;) |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 11:14 AM |
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| Bad men's fashion - irresponsible celebrities |
| Friday, September 23, 2005 |
Jeff from Pearl Jam - shame on you. You are responsible for old men thinking they can pull their pants right up to their armpits.
Rock 'n Roll Harry high pants
 Labels: men's fashion that should be banned |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 11:22 AM |
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| How to make friends with your bikini |
| Thursday, September 22, 2005 |
| Friends? Oh no, we can NEVER be friends |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 3:09 PM |
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| You know you're getting older when ...#2 |
| Monday, September 19, 2005 |
1. you use words like codswallop and pooh pooh (Yes they have both tumbled unhindered from my mouth this week.)
2. the beauty technician has to start charging extra because the bikini wax workspace has got much MUCH bigger.
3. the colander in your head starts to disappear so there's nothing stopping the thoughts in your head coming straight out of your mouth.Labels: You know you are getting older when |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 4:13 PM |
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| Jordan & Andre's serious bridesmaid selection mistake |
| Tuesday, September 13, 2005 |
Jordan and Peter Andre's wedding -
Tack incarnate complete with tiny white ponies, Cinderella-style pink egg carriage and pink his and hers thrones. Looooove it.
So I want to know why they didn't ask me to be a bridesmaid, afterall I've been a bridesmaid six times so I've had enough experience.
I think I would have been excellent at - being one of the four bridesmaids needed to help Jordan sit down in her very restrictive dress, step-togethering down the aisle to Whitney Houston's 'I have nothing' and handing out pieces of the massive boobs-shaped wedding cake to guests. |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 7:15 PM |
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| Rantings of my inner Evil Bridesmaid |
| Friday, September 09, 2005 |
Tradition. It makes people do some pretty bizarre stuff when it comes to weddings.
That something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue business for starters --
I want to know why it never involves borrowing a pair of comfortable old, faded blue panties from a friend. It knocks off three out of the four ... |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 11:27 AM |
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| Solving the great gender movie divide |
| Monday, September 05, 2005 |
Cleo Twyford leaps over tall buildings with perfect unfrizzy hair in order to achieve the seemingly impossible - solve the great gender movie divide by creating an action flick that appeals to women.
1. The Cellulite Terminator - A robot from the future arrives to eradicate cellulite from the bottoms of the blighted female race.
2. Johnathan Cainer Intense Conversation. In this female version of Star Wars, the King of Astrological Stars embarks on some intense communication and emotional door-slamming fights of universe proportions. Also starring Yoga (Yoda) and Pap Smear (Padmir) - I don't like her much in this version.
3. Con Hair - the female star gets to con her hairdresser into giving her a freebie, saving an incredible $200, which she then uses to splurge on a new dress.
4. Lethal Weapon 5 - A woman uses some rather snazzy electric hedge clippers to create the garden of her dreams. (Yes this one's for you fellow birthday princess. Wink) |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 1:49 PM |
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| A moody Mandy in the hazelnut tree of life |
| Thursday, September 01, 2005 |
Apparently in the forest of life I am a hazelnut tree. I would have doubted it myself, except there it was in black and white (yes, I believe everything I read ;))
But anyway I am a hazelnut tree and hazelnut trees are charming, have a sense of humor, understanding, popular, expect fairness, perfectionists and quite moody.
Er, actually hazelnut trees just produce hazelnuts. But anyway it's obviously a true and correct representation of myself except for the moody bit. Moody? Nobody likes a moody Mandy. And I'm not moody, well not that much. Well I definitely am in the week before red day*, but that doesn't count, does it?
* you know red day - that once-a-month scourge on the female existence. When you have to go purchase hideously expensive feminine hygiene products and spend a few days feeling like you're being drained of your energy and essential innards. |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 10:04 AM |
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