| Ditsy lesson: Don't laugh at carrot kickers |
| Wednesday, November 30, 2005 |
Ms Paranoid tells me loudly in my head that it is because I said publically that I am always ditsy in the supermarket that ditsy events continue to happen to me while I am there.
So I am in the fruit and vegetable section and this young but very tall man - wearing spectacles that make his eyes look like a Japanese Manga character's - comes by and kicks a carrot that he sees on the floor.
ME: Yeaaah, kick that bad carrot (followed by loud laughter that obviously indicates that he should laugh at my joke too)
HIM: swings around, leans too far into my personal space and looks me straight in the eye - and he is not smiling; in fact he has a slightly mad look in his eye.
ME: gasps and shuffles off to hide in the feminine hygiene product section. Ouch.Labels: ditsy event of the day |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 1:59 PM |
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| The Monday that lasts all week |
| Thursday, November 24, 2005 |
It's Thursday and I've only just been able to shake off the grumpy Monday mean reds.
It's like the happy emergence from a cloud of wanting to stay in bed every morning, having dinner-choice crises of mammoth proportions (which means I just stand at the fridge and graze on cheese and hoummus) and hyper-addiction to Jonathan Cainer. |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 10:42 AM |
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| Ditsy Event of the Day |
| Tuesday, November 22, 2005 |
This morning I thought it was a great idea to transfer a small amount from my big budget-sized bottle of hair moisturiser into a smaller bottle so I could carry it around with me to combat middle-of-the-day hair frizz. But afterwards it doesn't seem as much of a good idea to use an old garlic container.
Now, even though I can ward off vampires at twenty paces, I think I will refrain in future from making my hair smell like it's about to become a pasta sauce and just live with the frizz. Viva la frizz!Labels: ditsy event of the day |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 2:23 PM |
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| Symmetrical pimples are a curse of existence |
| Wednesday, November 16, 2005 |
| Getting a pimple is one thing, but then getting one bang smack in the middle of your forehead or tip of your nose is quite another. Because these imperfections are so perfectly placed it's like onlookers think they can't be pimples; therefore they find it necessary to firstly stare at the facial blemish, and then either reach over to try to rub it away on your behalf - a la misplaced smudge or foodie leftover - or ask you when you decided to try living life Indian-style. Yes, this post is brought to you by the zit currently inhabiting the middle of my forehead. |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 9:23 AM |
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| Hayfever is a dating barrier |
| Monday, November 14, 2005 |
I think my current single status is due to the fact that Spring comes along and while everyone else gets a little happy love-oriented, I get inflicted with an attack of the most unattractive sneezy allergies possible. Like all the other women, I pull out the summer dresses and show the flesh that has been hidden for a few months; but unlike most women, my nose gets all red and runny and my eyes get all puffy from the itching. Yes, um, very attractive - and not at all conducive to being asked on a date.
By the time it disappears in December everyone has paired off into coupledom and all the blokes are concentrating on whether it is too early in the relationship to:
A. Ask new girlfriend to organize the Christmas present shopping for his side of the family, and
B. Invite her to the family Christmas dinner (largely dependent on whether she agrees to do A) |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 5:28 PM |
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| Burping - the ultimate comeback |
| Tuesday, November 08, 2005 |
I have decided that the ultimate comeback is the burp. It may not be very ladylike, but it solves a significant problem.
You know when someone says or does something awful to you and you don't have a witty comeback at hand (I can think of a zillion sarcastic gems oh about half an hour afterwards, which is completely useless.)
Well now I am going to employ the burp. Not a dainty I've-just-eaten half-a-cup-of-fruit burp, but a big, hearty hamburger burp. Yeah. |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 10:17 AM |
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| Ditsy event of the day |
| Monday, November 07, 2005 |
I'm back in the supermarket (where it seems my penchant for ditsiness is most at home). While doing my shopping I pass the same man down each of the busy aisles. We have a few near trolley collisions. For the first few aisles we just smile at each other and move on. Then in the canned vegetables aisle I decide to try to be witty (bad move).
ME: We're going to have a big trolley smash before this shopping trip is over.
HIM: laughs
Only we still have two aisles and the fruit and vegetable section to go and I'm not sure I can think up that many things to say. Okay I definitely can't. Aisles 1 and 2 go okay, then I'm avoiding him like crazy in the fruit and vegetable section.
I hurry to the check-out and I see him searching for a check-out that doesn't involve standing behind me (Ms Paranoid tells me this loudly in my head).
"I'm closing" says the only other supermarket assistant and so he ends up at the check-out where I am - right behind me.
It's uncomfortable. I can't bear the silence.
ME: Can't get away from me!
HIM: Yeah
Then he buries his head in an upside down copy of Australian Vogue.
CringeLabels: ditsy event of the day |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 1:08 PM |
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| One in seven women is aggressive repulsive |
| Thursday, November 03, 2005 |
| Aggressive repulsive - it's the red day version of obsessive compulsive. I publically apologize to anyone I happen across today to whom I unleash this aggressive repulsiveness. Apparently one in seven women are suffering from Pre-Menstrual Tension at any one time. Today I wish that you meet six very nice, quite normal women, as well as momentarily evil moi. I'm really quite nice at other times. Really :) Labels: pre-menstrual |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 10:27 AM |
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