| My favourite clothes brand |
| Friday, March 31, 2006 |
My favourite clothes brand is: CHEAP
Yes, the lure of the bargain is just too much for me.
Only 10 bucks?! Of course I'll buy it.
And I'll purchase it, of course, without any attention to suitability or usability, just because it's CHEAP.
This post is brought to you by the $5 top I happen to be wearing today, and the big grin on my face thanks to the CHEAP-brand kudos from stranger girl down the street who said:
Wow I love your top!
And of course I answered (in the same way every girl who likes the CHEAP brand answers):
Thanks. It was only $5! |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 3:20 AM |
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| A big clap for the Cherie Blair Yawn Extravaganza |
| Tuesday, March 28, 2006 |
I like Cherie Blair. She's not one to hide a yawn with that horrible pursed-lip look that doesn't fool anyone. Anyway the British PM's wife wasn't the only one to yawn during the Commonwealth Games closing ceremony. I, for one, let loose some lounge-room lovelies.
Come on. Nobody likes the speeches. It's close to impossible to pay attention beyond the full A4 page of "your excellency ...", "your excellencies ...", "the right honorable ...", "the fancy-pantsiest organiser ..."; particularly when one speaker was overly verbose enough to give Prince Edward two separate mentions, one as "your excellency Prince Edward" and the other as "The Earl of Wessex". Yawn, yawn YAWN
Anyway, it's not the first time Cherie has been to a yawn-worthy event and delivered a whopping big wide-mouthed loud-and-proud yawn. Personally, I just can't get past how nobbly Prince Phillip's knees are.
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| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 11:18 AM |
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| Ditsy Event of the Day |
| Monday, March 27, 2006 |
I suppose I should have checked the entrance requirements for the Commonwealth Games before I waltzed up to the security entrance point with a chockers handbag complete with a glass bottle (big no no)
But worse, it was difficult and a tad embarrassing trying to explain to the confused security guard that I had used a garlic bottle to put hair moisturiser in (as bemused and a-bit-annoyed fellow patrons queued behind me)
Then he tried to take it off me, telling me I could collect it at the end, which meant he obviously failed to realise the importance of carrying around hair moisturiser to combat frizz - it's evil; it can strike any time, any where.
In the end they decided it wasn't too much of a security risk (and was obviously a bad statement for Australia - no country wants to be known as the land of frizzy haired women)Labels: ditsy event of the day |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 5:55 PM |
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| How jelly beans help you find 'the one' |
| Friday, March 24, 2006 |
Herewith, my very important jelly bean theory.
The jelly bean theory is that people can basically be split into two categories: red people and green people. The theory is based on what colour/flavour jelly bean they take from the bag first.
Red people are the most common then green, and then there is the rare black contingent.
Anyway your perfect partner is the opposite of you - If you like green, then your perfect partner is a red jelly bean person. It means sharing a bag of jelly beans is a perfect harmonious experience (which is quite obviously a metaphor for how your entire relationship will be)
Although there is a slight risk that you can reduce the whole choice of a partner down to jelly bean preference ... a bit like Barbie only wanting Ken for a seat-warmer in the Barbie car. Let's face it Ken is only an accessory and I'd be surprised if he'd even have a jelly bean preference.
How handbags help you find 'the one'Labels: my weird theories |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 11:04 AM |
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| You know you're getting older when ...#3 |
| Thursday, March 23, 2006 |
| Is it just me, or has supermarket music improved? I used to think it was all ugly and bland, but these days I find myself singing along to Xanadu and having quite a good time (well as good as you can have in the supermarket) Labels: You know you are getting older when |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 8:11 AM |
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| Men BAH, get me a good hairdresser (yes still harping on about it) |
| Wednesday, March 22, 2006 |
GET IT ON A TEE!!Labels: hair |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 1:16 PM |
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| The ultimate frustration (Another hair whinge) |
| Tuesday, March 21, 2006 |
So I am flicking through a women's magazine in the supermarket and there it is - my dream hairstyle (The one that will make me feel good every day, get me no end of attention from perfect men, and will never, never make me have a bad hair day).
But then there is a sinking feeling. I mean it's not like I haven't been down this road before; the road where I cut out a picture of the perfect hairstyle from a magazine, put it in front of a hairdresser with hope and sparkle in my eyes ... then she bursts my bubble.
There's no way your hair will look like this
Yes, it seems I never learn that slightly wavy, excessively frizzy hair, will not act all straight and shiny and L'oreal commercial, even at the hands of the best hairdresser in the world.Labels: hair |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 9:51 AM |
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| Ditsy Event of the Day |
| Monday, March 20, 2006 |
Okay so it's late at night and I am sitting at my computer, which is fairly close to the front door. Then I hear a car race up to the front door and someone gets out and knocks really loudly.
Because Ms. Paranoid has a really loud voice in my head ... and also because I live in a slightly dodgy area, I'm not keen to just open the door, so I yell "HELLO?".
No answer.
"HELLO?" (which happens to sound a little annoyed, as well as a bit scared)
I pull back the blinds to peek outside.
It's the police. Oops.
Yes?
"We're looking for number 63" (Not my house)
"Oh so I'm not in trouble then?"
(This is quickly followed by loud committee members in my head saying repeatedly: "What a stupid thing to say.")Labels: ditsy event of the day, head committee |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 9:30 AM |
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| Harrods owner moonlights as oompa-loompa |
| Saturday, March 18, 2006 |
| Is it just me, or does the ubiquitous oompa loompa in the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie look like Mohammad Al Fayed? It's really nice he's expanded his career prospects from owner of Harrods to an all-singing, all-dancing weird small crowd of himself. |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 11:15 AM |
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| What does your food scale say about you? |
| Friday, March 17, 2006 |
Everyone has a food scale. For example, it might be sprouts (worst) to steak (best). Now this is quite a normal food scale, so that reflects a normal person. But a weird food scale (like my own) reflects a somewhat abnormal person -
My food scale runs from a toss up between rice pudding (rice is a main meal!) and sea cucumber (the reason why I couldn't live in Fiji full-time) to a toss up between green grapes and hommous.
Perhaps that's why I sometimes indulge in a plain sweet potato or a single parsnip for lunch. (both quite high on the food scale, actually)
If you want to know more of my innocuous food thoughts, stay tuned for my jelly bean theory (oooh the excitement)Labels: my weird theories |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 9:09 AM |
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| Body roll, sparkle hands, step ball change - why can't I be a fairy? |
| Thursday, March 16, 2006 |
In the wake of a dismally uncoordinated gym step class (to the point of embarrassment), I am reminiscing on my unsuccessful childhood dance classes.
In my childhood in the seventies all little girls had to be a Brownie Guide and had to do dance classes - I'm talking jazz ballet and tap.
I wasn't good but I wasn't that bad at body rolls, step ball changes and sparkle hands (in fact I was very good at sparkle hands) ... But I realised I wasn't going to spend my life as a dainty ballet dancer when I was forced to be an elf in the annual dance performance, because I was too tall to be a fairy.
I mean who wants to be an elf when you can be a fairy? |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 9:36 AM |
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| Men's fashion that should be banned #10 |
| Wednesday, March 15, 2006 |
This should actually be titled 'Men's shirts that should be banned'
1. Pink ones, and lemon while we're at it (That's a type of yellow for those of you males who can't follow the use of fruit as colours. You know - apricot (a mix of orange and pink), apple (a type of green) peach (see apricot) ... okay now it's getting confusing)
2. Shirts that look like someone has thrown up on them
3. Short-sleeved white business shirts. It's best to roll up the sleeves of your long-sleeved white business shirt than stoop to this bad-shirt level. The worst case scenario is, of course, a thin short-sleeved white business shirt coupled with a vest/singlet undergarment. Ick.
Men's fashion that should be banned #9Labels: men's fashion that should be banned |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 11:06 AM |
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| Autumn BAH my life's in constant indian summer |
| Tuesday, March 14, 2006 |
Ms Paranoid (loud head committee member) almost had a seizure when I read the other day about a woman describing herself as being "in the autumn of life".
The hysterical voice in my head went a bit like:
AUTUMN? AUTUMN? Am I in the autumn of my life? Maybe I am. Aaaaaaaaagh. Well I'm certainly not in the spring of my life. But surely I'm not in the autumn. Late summer maybe? Maybe not.
Bugger that. Now I've decided that I will neither be entering the Autumn of my life, nor the Winter for that matter ... It's actually life a la constant Indian SummerLabels: head committee |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 10:56 AM |
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| Where the bleep bleep are you? |
| Friday, March 10, 2006 |
In the spirit of the British ban of this Aussie TV commercial:
http://wherethebloodyhellareyou.com/
We've imported Marmite
We've put the chips on
We've got bacon, eggs and baked beans for breakfast
We've saved you a spot in a queue
So where the bleep bleep are you?
Maybe they should have tried -
So if Bob's your uncle, pack your pants, a fit bird in a bikini is waiting ... |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 10:37 AM |
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| I am retiring as a bridesmaid |
| Thursday, March 09, 2006 |
After six outings as a bridesmaid (and a particularly enjoyable final episode), I am retiring as a bridesmaid. Yes, I'm hanging up my various taffeta, pink pearly, and velvet numbers, handing in my mini-tiaras and refusing any future offers.
Thirty-something is quite obviously too old to be a 'maid'. No amount of suck-me-in underwear can help when it comes to wearing slinky dresses that cling in all the wrong places. Plus, I seem to have less control over what comes out of my mouth as I get older, which means Ms Evil Bridesmaid in my head could have an out-and-proud field day that would without fail result in bridal tears ... and The Great Wedding Bridesmaid Massacre. |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 9:24 AM |
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| Lano and Woodley public mourning period |
| Wednesday, March 08, 2006 |
Lano and Woodley have announced a 'goodbye' tour. I'm wearing black for the rest of the year (not hard since it's Melbourne's uniform) ... And I'm launching a public appeal for Lano and Woodley John Farnham behaviour. That is, 'this is my final show', 'no, this is my final show', 'right, this really is my final show', 'no this really is my final show'.
Don't goooo Col. Don't goooooo. Please don't gooooo Col. |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 10:28 AM |
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| Practical advice for women #2 |
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The elevator approach to pelvic floor exercises - yes, it's the ultimate metaphor for nether-regions aerobics (particularly useful for the over thirties), invented by a pre-eminent Melbourne doctor (We'll make it to the social pages yet JJ!)
You have to pretend your pelvic parts are like an elevator and you are going to level five.
Ready? And clench, one, two, three, four, five - And hold, one, two, three, four, five. (Try not to hum The Girl from Ipanema while waiting on level 5)
And repeat ...
And relax.
Practical Advice for Women #1Labels: practical advice for women |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 10:20 AM |
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| Wielding rhyming slang with abandon |
| Tuesday, March 07, 2006 |
I'm all for using rhyming slang ...
Whatever Trevor
Onya Sonya
Yeah big bear
Easy peasy
See ya later alligator
all being oldies but goodies.
But saying Who knows big nose to a person with a big nose is probably not the best idea ;) |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 10:03 AM |
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| Cinderella on the way home from the supermarket |
| Friday, March 03, 2006 |
So I am walking home from the supermarket with a big bag of groceries when a horse-drawn Cinderella carriage goes by - the driver looks at me so I wave and he invites me on board. (This really happened, despite the fact that it sounds like a dream :))
So there I was, a frizzy-haired 30-something princess riding through the streets of my neighborhood. It's significant, of course, since I have feet more akin to the stepsisters' than Cinderella's dainty tootsies.
Anyway tomorrow I'm hitching a ride from the shops via rocket ship, or um er, a llama. |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 9:16 AM |
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| Ditsy Event of the Day |
| Thursday, March 02, 2006 |
This morning I managed to get up, forget to put on a bra, AND put my top on back to front (don't ask!)
But that is only slightly mortifying compared to one cringe-worthy ditsy event of my teenager-hood.
I had to go up the front of church to do the money collection and half way down the aisle I realised I wasn't wearing a bra underneath my quite see-through white shirt. Then, of course, I had to go around to every single person with the collection plate.
I guess it is easy to forget to put it on when you just start wearing one. (insert embarrassing shudder at memory here). But I don't have any sane reason for forgetting it today :)Labels: ditsy event of the day |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 9:25 AM |
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| Being a pumpkin in the vegie garden of life |
| Wednesday, March 01, 2006 |
Even though I love the movie Calamity Jane and think that very few people understand the depths of Doris Day's character in that film, I have to disagree with Doris's quote (Today's quote of the day):
"The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you'll grow out of it." - Doris Day
I disagree because, well middle age is frightening, but old age is a veritable vegetable garden of delights, where you can be a pumpkin and nobody cares one jot. |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 9:07 AM |
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