| My new hair plan - stalking celebrities |
| Thursday, August 31, 2006 |
| A friend of mine has just moved to Brisbane and happened across an excellent hairdresser. Not only did she get, in her words, "the best haircut I've ever had", but on the way out her new fabulous hairdresser pointed out that the twin sister singers of The Veronicas were there. Then YOU KNOW you've found a good hairdresser if celebs are there, right? So now I have a new plan - I'm going to stalk celebrities until they go to the hairdresser. Then, da da, I will have finally found a good hairdresser. Yeah. Labels: hair |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 11:56 AM |
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| Ditsy Event of the Day |
| Tuesday, August 29, 2006 |
So I receive in the mail from my gym a letter saying that because I have been there 150 times (which would sound impressive, if it wasn't over such a long period of time)I can get a free walkman - if there are enough in stock that is. This makes me, shock horror, want to go to the gym on the weekend so I can make sure I can get one.
I managed to resist that madness and wait until monday morning, and phew, I even got one of the walkmans (radio-only, which was a bit disappointing to begin with) ... only to break it on the elliptical machine when my arm accidentally got caught on the ear plugs wire, yanking it, breaking it, and subsequently leaving one useless ear-plug in my ear and a dangly piece of wire.Labels: ditsy event of the day |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 9:58 AM |
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| Nasty kissing flashback |
| Friday, August 25, 2006 |
| I just had a nasty kissing flashback - kissing a boy who has just eaten about ten greasy hamburgers is really not nice at all when you don't like eating meat. |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 10:26 AM |
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| EXPOSED - Man bits aren't as tender as they make out |
| Tuesday, August 22, 2006 |
 This picture has got me thinking. Why isn't there such a thing as a man-o-gram, you know, to check for testicular cancer? After all, it's just as common as breast cancer.
Okay so I can hear all the men out there saying how much a man-o-gram would hurt. But it occurred to me that maybe MEN ARE HAVING ALL US WOMEN ON - it's actually not as tender as they all make out down there. It's all a big conspiracy. Yes, while they make out that getting kicked in the goolies is the most painful thing that can happen to a man, it's actually not. But by exaggerating the 'pain' they can avoid the man-o-gram (and sometimes cover over the fact that they might be bad at sport by claiming to have been hit/kicked/hurt in some other way in their man bits, because they didn't catch/hit the ball, or finish the race/get a home run.)
Of course, they also might be generating this false belief because their pain threshold, on a scale of childbirth, is about a 1.2 out of 10 ;) |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 12:16 PM |
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| Introducing DA DA the horizontal six pack |
| Friday, August 18, 2006 |
The horizontal six pack is six rolls of, er, muscle lying horizontally. It's somewhat less desirable than the fit, muscly, 50-million-push-ups-later abdominal six-pack, but it is much easier to achieve and you still get to say you have a six-pack.
For men, the horizontal six-pack is somewhere short of the one-pack, which is the male attempt to rival pregnant women except it's hidden by two types of trousers - pulled harry high-pants style over the one pack, or sitting way way under the one pack so he can still do up his belt (although the existence of the belt is questionable as it's rarely seen). This one pack is only related to the six pack in that it is fairly often caused by drinking too many six-packs of beer (and eating all the pies).
But I'm not saying I have a horizontal six pack since I am single and in my thirties and while I'm not that keen on Internet dating I'm not going to rule it out as a last resort, say if someone with one of those 50-million-push-ups six packs happens along my screen. Actually I'll settle for a horizontal six-pack with an incredible sense of humor. But the one-pack is OUT ;) |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 12:15 PM |
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| An attack of 'The Mentioner' |
| Monday, August 14, 2006 |
Life as a single woman isn't all laughter and unfettered chocolate eating. It's a scary hike through the jungle of flirting, and well, sometimes being mistaken for flirting - and being rejected, without even putting yourself forward to be rejected (which is just awful really).
Yes, today I suffered an attack of that breed of man known as 'The Mentioner'.
Let me explain:
There is a guy visiting our office to clean the windows, so when he is at my desk window, I say 'oh can you come to my house and do that?' and he replies 'MY WIFE asks me to do it all the time'.
You see, he thinks I'm trying to pick him up, that's why he mentions he has A WIFE. But I'm not trying to pick him up. Really. He was a whole head and a half shorter than me for a start, and well then there's the unattractive humour-deficient personality ... |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 3:27 PM |
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| Finally a use for inflatable men |
| Thursday, August 10, 2006 |
We know what men use inflatable women for, but now, there is finally a use for blow-up men. Apparently he's a security device that you can use to make people think you're not driving alone. You keep him in your glove box and take him out when you are driving alone at night, blow him up and sit him there in the passenger seat.
And JUST THINK of the possibilities - he won't be criticizing your driving, he won't be giving wrong directions, he won't be pestering you to hand over the wheel, he won't be messing around changing your music to something he likes. Could it be? Is this the perfect man?! ;) |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 8:33 AM |
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| Interesting things from trashy tv world |
| Wednesday, August 09, 2006 |
Since I have been bed-bound for an entire week thanks to the flu, I watched an awful lot of daytime television (or should that be a lot of awful daytime television).
This is what I found in my foray into trash-ville ...
- the reason why men don't do much housework is because they only like to do STUNT housework - you know the kind of housework that requires testosterone, and, like, a hammer.
- Oprah likes to jiggle breasts. I am not kidding; in a special 'bras' episode she jiggled and squeezed the breasts of all the women involved. I would say it was embarrassing enough to be on tv in your underwear in the first place, but then have Oprah feel you up on national television, well that's a whole new level of embarrassment.
- You wouldn't think it, but anchovies and broccoli make a rather nice pasta, and you can beer batter oysters. Plus, you can cook pasta in a plastic container (I watched the entire half-hour info-mercial on that one).
- Apparently you can pick up women by i. insulting them (sheesh) ii. pretending you're busy with man-work and can only go on one date a week (oh yes he's obviously keen on me ;) Where the hell are my expensive gifts?) iii. telling women you are dating lots of other women (he's obviously really keen on me. SHEESH). And by the way, I hate to be jiggled. Wink. |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 8:47 AM |
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| Sick-Week Shakespeare |
| Friday, August 04, 2006 |
| Out out damn snot! |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 12:30 PM |
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