The Ditsy Chronicles

Cleo Twyford is dodging minor disasters, indulging in
chick chat and wielding random insignificant theories.
(And talking about herself in third person)

 
Weird slightly scary gym man
Thursday, November 30, 2006
One day I am on the bike and the man next to me asks me if I have good radio reception to tune in to the television stations set up there, because he is having trouble. I tuned into the sports channel he was trying to watch and confirmed the fuzziness.
So a couple of days later I see him again and I say "How's the reception?"
And he replies, overly aggressively and very loud, "S@#THOUSE".
I mean I know men can't physically bear fuzzy radio reception but I thought was a bit overboard. So now it's a bit uncomfortable when I see him and I try to avoid him lest he have another fuzziness outburst. I mean it could get ugly, I don't want to have to witness smashing televisions and the like ;)
posted by Cleo Twyford @ 12:32 PM   0 comments  
Three weekend belly laughs
Monday, November 27, 2006

1. My fellow house-sharer made up a term for bum cleavage. It's 'BEAVAGE'. So for example this term can be used like "builder beavage", and - brace yourself for something rude - is on the opposite side of the body from the 'beaver'.

2. A quote in a book: "Whatever doesn't kill us makes us funnier."

3 Elvii is the plural for Elvis impersonators
And a Chinese Elvis impersonator says: "I can sound like Elton John, Billy Joel and even George Michael. But there is not much call for a Chinese George Michael. I've heard somebody was looking for a Chinese Cliff Richard, but I couldn't do him."

BA HA HA
posted by Cleo Twyford @ 12:03 PM   0 comments  
Ditsy Event of the Day
Friday, November 24, 2006
I was being all environmental and took my own bags to the supermarket. After I had been through the checkout and the nice young man had packed the shopping into my bags, I turned to walk away. But the bags were caught on something. I didn't look at what they were caught on and just tugged at it hard. Tug tug. "OWWWW!" Oops, I had the supermarket check-out guy's thump caught in the strap. But bless, he was still managing to serve the person after me at the same time. Who says guys can't multi-task?!

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posted by Cleo Twyford @ 10:34 AM   0 comments  
The diet starts um after a few million mince pies
Thursday, November 23, 2006
"An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day."
-Irv Kupcinet, columnist

Hell, I'm going all the way to January 1 before I start my diet ... but then I might have a hangover on January 1, which is not really conducive to dieting. Um, January 2nd it is then. Wink.
posted by Cleo Twyford @ 12:00 PM   1 comments  
Ditsy Event of the Day - but not me!
Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Lately I have broken more than my fair share of drinking glasses at home. I truly do not know what is wrong with me and I really think I have contracted some sort of dreadful glass-breaking condition.
Because of this, my fellow house sharer was pouring wine the other day and decided it would be funny to give me mine in a plastic wine glass.
Only he dropped it on the concrete floor and it snapped completely in half (See photographic evidence, including Boris Yeltsin, who is my Yeltsin-mini-me witness). Hysterics ensued ;)

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posted by Cleo Twyford @ 12:15 PM   0 comments  
You know you are getting older when ... #5
Monday, November 20, 2006
You know you are getting older when you are at a U2 concert (last night) and ...
1. one of your friends is talking enthusiastically about the benefits of Tupperware
2. you stick bits of tissue in your ears because it's a tad too loud
3. another of your friends pops on her glasses so she can see
4. you hear someone nearby ask his friend how the children's band Hi5 concert was
5. 60% of the audience rushes home to relieve the babysitters

You know you are getting older when ... #4

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posted by Cleo Twyford @ 11:28 AM   0 comments  
Men's Fashion that should be banned #17
Friday, November 17, 2006
Tight lycra bike shorts are just about okay when you are riding a bike, but they are definitely not okay when you are running, or sitting in a cafe, or visiting your mother, and have teamed them with a baggy t-shirt, and tucked that t-shirt in. ugh.

Men's fashion that should be banned #16

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posted by Cleo Twyford @ 10:39 AM   0 comments  
Skype is not a dating service
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
So far this week I've had two unknown 30-something males decide it's okay to contact me via Skype. Punter number 1 messaged me and, even after I asked him was he trying to sell me something, and said could he please go away ... asked me where I lived, was I single, was I at home and can he have a picture of me please. Er no. Scoff
Punter number two left a voicemail. "[Embarrassed cough, embarrassed cough], er I've just downloaded Skype today and I'm just looking for people to chat to." Sheesh. Now where's that privacy setting ...?
posted by Cleo Twyford @ 10:36 AM   0 comments  
Fun-sized - what a crock
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Okay it's taken me oh about thirty years, but I've finally cottoned onto the fact that 'fun-sized' actually means small ... and rather disappointing when it comes to chocolate actually. Why doesn't fun-sized mean 'big-as-a-man' sized. Hmmmm, a huge man-shaped chocolate, there's a thought. Anyway I managed to extract some fun from the 'fun' sized chocolate Twix I ate yesterday - but only by eating 10 in a row. Grin.
posted by Cleo Twyford @ 2:21 PM   0 comments  
Ditsy Event of the Day
Thursday, November 02, 2006
I WAS having a fantastic day, thanks to an amazing hair feat. There is rain, humidity, stress - all the factors for, you guessed it, the dreaded FRIZZ - but I seem to have got off frizz free. It is amazing! Must be a full moon in Libra or somesuch celestial event.
But alas, being me, my day was not ever going to be perfect. I borrowed another's car to quickly go to bank before it closed and I managed to scratch the car on a post. Therefore spent 1 hour of work time rubbing off paint then trying to fix scratches with touch-up paint (which thankfully I found hiding in the glove box). Now, do I tell, or not? Maybe he'll just read this (hearing from a third-party is better of course; except it's not really a direct confession. Embarrassed, and well a bit scared.)

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posted by Cleo Twyford @ 5:15 PM   1 comments  
Uncontrollable brain actions #2
I have recently become aware of an uncontrollable brain function. When watching the television, particularly news about celebrity males, my brain automatically imagines me kissing said celeb male. And I'm not talking about the attractive ones, no, no. I'm talking about the ones I don't like (like Tom Cruise). So when this happens inside my head it sends a repulsed shiver down my spine and I screw my face up. I'm not sure what people who catch this face think is going on, but they wouldn't think it was normal ;)

(I'm not sure which head committee member is responsible for this one, but I know it's one of them.)

Uncontrollable brain actions #1

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posted by Cleo Twyford @ 9:36 AM   0 comments  
 
This blog is blathered by a 30-something constant bridesmaid sometimes known as:
Cleo Twyford
Who trips over a lot in:
Melbourne, Victoria, AU

About Me:
Confession: I am really bad at reverse parking Confession 2: I have an inner Evil Bridesmaid Confession 3: I have mastered fridge-grazing as a meal option Confession 4: There is a committee in my head and sometimes they are loud. Yes, okay you can shut up now. I said shut up. Sorry about that.
See my complete profile

Read my book
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Free e-book - Reverse Parking with Parrots

"It's Bridget Jones meets Indiana Jones"



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