| Bummed about the bottom line |
| Tuesday, September 11, 2007 |
This week, while viewing my backside in the most unflattering of circumstances (a fluro-lit clothing store change room while trying on jeans), I acknowledged something I wish I'd known 10 years ago.
Yes, now I'm pushing 37, I think it's time to admit that my jelly cellulite-inflicted backside is actually never going to be transformed into tight-buns ... no matter how much bottom squeezing, leg lifts, squats, creams are lavished upon it.
(I also discovered that I am never going to be able to wear skinny jeans, because no matter what dress size I am, I still have mammoth calves ... I mean COWS ... and the jeans don't make it up to my knees)
Anyway instead of spending heaps of time trying to change my backside, I've changed my tack -After all, it's obviously going to be much easier to mount a campaign to convince the world that jelly bottoms are beautiful ;)Labels: You know you are getting older when |
posted by Cleo Twyford @ 3:14 PM   |
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| My scary tendency to share things that should not be shared |
| Monday, June 11, 2007 |
I find it scary that I am increasingly beginning sentences with ...
"This is probably crossing the line, but I'll share it any way (laugh) ..."
It is obviously an indication of what I will be like as an old person. That is, sharing the excrutiating details of my bodily excretions with unassuming fellow bus passengers ... that type of thing. (Hmmmm, could be fun)Labels: You know you are getting older when |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 5:01 PM |
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| The very hairy perils of getting older |
| Thursday, May 10, 2007 |
| I just can't emphasize how mortifying it is to set out to lunch with someone you are going to be sitting across from for two hours, close enough for them to see every pore, and even though you were feeling like you are having a good hair day/good outfit day, you come home to find that there is a very obvious thick black hair sticking out of your chin. (And I'm not talking a little hair hiding under my chin, no no, it was sticking straight out from the front) Labels: You know you are getting older when |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 2:13 PM |
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| You know you are getting older when ... #6 |
| Friday, December 15, 2006 |
You forget that you bought someone a book light as a present last year for their birthday then buy them one this year for Christmas (this really happened. The technical term for it is: memory lapse ditsy present-repeat).
Luckily, I just asked his partner - Did i buy your hubby a book light last year? Oh i did, right.
Good job i checked. Now who can I give the book light to?
You know you are getting older when #5Labels: You know you are getting older when |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 1:54 PM |
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| You know you are getting older when ... #5 |
| Monday, November 20, 2006 |
You know you are getting older when you are at a U2 concert (last night) and ...
1. one of your friends is talking enthusiastically about the benefits of Tupperware
2. you stick bits of tissue in your ears because it's a tad too loud
3. another of your friends pops on her glasses so she can see
4. you hear someone nearby ask his friend how the children's band Hi5 concert was
5. 60% of the audience rushes home to relieve the babysitters
You know you are getting older when ... #4Labels: You know you are getting older when |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 11:28 AM |
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| You know you are getting older when ... #4 |
| Wednesday, May 31, 2006 |
You know you are getting older when ...
You are digging through some old things, you find a compilation music tape that you made circa 1985, you put the tape on, you are getting into the songs, singing along and thinking what great music taste you have ... then you turn it off and someone yells out "WHAT A RELIEF".Labels: You know you are getting older when |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 10:50 AM |
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| You know you're getting older when ...#3 |
| Thursday, March 23, 2006 |
| Is it just me, or has supermarket music improved? I used to think it was all ugly and bland, but these days I find myself singing along to Xanadu and having quite a good time (well as good as you can have in the supermarket) Labels: You know you are getting older when |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 8:11 AM |
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| You know you're getting older when ...#2 |
| Monday, September 19, 2005 |
1. you use words like codswallop and pooh pooh (Yes they have both tumbled unhindered from my mouth this week.)
2. the beauty technician has to start charging extra because the bikini wax workspace has got much MUCH bigger.
3. the colander in your head starts to disappear so there's nothing stopping the thoughts in your head coming straight out of your mouth.Labels: You know you are getting older when |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 4:13 PM |
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| You know you're getting older when ... |
| Friday, August 05, 2005 |
So I was in the supermarket today and as there was a long queue at the checkout I scan the women's magazines for suitable material to flick through while waiting.
I get a bit excited because on one magazine's cover it announces the 50 most eligible bachelors. So I go for that one thinking I can pick a suitable one for self (think beach house on South Pacific Island, private jet, own cook, sexy splattering of grey hair, hunky 40-ish bod sans middle-aged spread, looking for ditsy-but-strangely-attractive 30-something bad reverse parker, yada yada yada)
So I pick it up and eagerly flick to the pages of potential future husband - only there are no eligible bachelors for me. Instead I find 50 school children. I'm not kidding, they looked about 12. (They all had no body hair, but come to think of it that may have been because they chest wax.)
Anyway all is obviously not lost because outside the supermarket an older gentleman with his own flash push-bike and a few of his own teeth started to talk to me. He spent lots of time telling me that the supermarket checkout chick had asked him how he was, and he answered Give us a kiss, then you'll see how I am. I'm sure she didn't and I certainly wasn't going to hang around to see how he was. Still, I'm sure he'll make some Betty, Jean or Muriel very happy and they can ride off into the sunset on a bicycle made for two.Labels: You know you are getting older when |
| posted by Cleo Twyford @ 3:59 PM |
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